As much as I have tried to pretend otherwise over the years, I’m not really the most sociable person.
When I was younger, I just really liked to read. I found people weird and kinda hard to understand – my books on the other hand always made sense and the worlds I would read about were, to my small brain, infinitely more interesting and wonderful than anything I experienced in real life.
Even through my teen years, making new friends and dealing with the drama all teen girls go through, I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t really like being around people all the time, but I felt like it was something I was supposed to do.
So I did. And it was generally pretty meh.
Now, at my wise old age of 26, I’ve stopped trying to fit any kind of ideals of what I should do or be or say. I spend a lot of time outside of work by myself – by choice – and it means I get to do and think whatever I want.
I love that freedom, of getting to be alone with my thoughts and figure out what things mean or who I am or what is life even.
I read this opinion piece from the Times recently, and it made me think about my own choices.
Was I being rude in not going out and seeing people more often?
So I asked my Twitter followers what they thought. Overwhelmingly, they agreed; not socialising is a personal preference.
Admittedly, it’s a small sample size, and the fact we’re all on Twitter (instead of climbing Mt Everest on bicycles or whatever it is people do) could have skewed the results, but still.
My conclusion from this (and years of watching people trying to human good) is we all have levels of ‘other people’ energy we can handle.
Some people are happiest when they get to go out to eat and drink and dance really frequently. Some people can handle that sometimes, but just cbf for the most part. I’m happiest when I get to be left alone to do what I want, but still sometimes have people text me saying they think I’m neat.
Even though I’m no longer worried about whether or not I should be sociable, the thing that concerns me is around personal preferences. What I like and who I am now is very different than last year, five years ago, ten years ago. What if not wanting to be social is just a phase, one that I’ll regret at some point in my future?
What if I turn 30 and I realise that I wasted my life in books and the black depths of the internet instead of actually being with people?
That got dark. Really, it’s not that dire.
I have no idea whether future Ashleigh will absolutely love the heck out of dinner parties and wine bars. I’m fairly certain she’ll never be a big fan of nightclubs.
What I do know is what I like for right now, and I’m fortunate in that I’m pretty much able to just do things that make me happy, without it impacting on my life in any real way.
What’s the point of this post? I guess to say, keep making the choices that make you happy. You, right now, is the only real you that actually exists. And you never have to sacrifice your happiness for anyone else’s (unless that’s what makes you happy in which case you do you girl).
Say yes more if you’re scared of starting something you really want. Say no more if you just need some time to yourself.
And ultimately, live by the Golden Rule:
ashleigheg 