Confession time: I am not good at not being good at things.
Let’s be real, none of us particularly relish the idea of failure. We tend to prefer doing things we’re good at, because being good at things just feels better than not being good.
Worse than trying something new and failing spectacularly? Having a group of people around to see just how shit you are at whatever it is you’re trying. It’s just plain not fun when you attempt something and suck at it in front of people – the total opposite of good feels.
So why would I voluntarily put myself in that exact situation?
Well, in a momentary fit of courage/madness, I committed to attending an outdoors movement class recommended by a friend.
Knowing nothing about what I was signing myself up for, I was shocked when Saturday rolled around and I used public transport to actually go out and do a thing.*
*If you know me at all, you’re probably very confused and perhaps having a concern for my sanity because I am better at not doing planned things than maybe anything else.
Context – I’m legit terrible at making plans & cancelling (I just need quite a lot of quiet time tbh).
I’m even worse at bailing on anything that involves people. I love my gym time more than anything else – but if the place is packed when I walk in, I start to feel like I am choking, so I just turn around and walk right back out again.
So, imagine my surprise when I showed up for that first class. Didn’t know anyone, had no idea what it was all about, and I was really, really, REALLY terrible. At everything.
Still, there I was. And, real talk, I was just plain not good at pretty much anything.
After training for more than two hours outside, we were finishing with chin ups. It was hard. I was hot, and thirsty, and tired, and I was ready for it to end.
The anti-socialite in me was saying “look, you can just leave. Fuck this. Too much. You might die. Just turn around and go home.”
So, I picked up my drink bottle. Gulped the last of the warm water inside (side note: so gross). Chalked my hands, and took my turn on the bar, right til the end.
Honestly, I still suck now, even after going each week (sometimes twice, who am I). It’s still not easy to be the least good at things, or to have people see how much I suck. Learning is super uncomfortable when it’s in front of others.
But I think it’s good to be a bit shit at things sometimes. Growth and improvement doesn’t happen when you’re all cosy and comfortable.
Failure teaches us humility, not to take ourselves too seriously, as well as providing feedback on how not to do something. Which is what I’m trying to remember as I struggle to do handstands that result in me falling over my dizzy legs. Again.
The only way you know you won’t succeed is if you stop trying. So, I’ll keep trying – regardless of how silly I look.
ashleigheg 